Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
