You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They took my balls.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
