Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
