Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
