sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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