another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have already put on my inside pants.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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