she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
