i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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