i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
