My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
