sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
