I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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