Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
