Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
