Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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