lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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