I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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