My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
