problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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