Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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