Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
