it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
