I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
