So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
