She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
