Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
