And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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