i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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