how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
