evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
