Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
