I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
