maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
