Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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