Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
