I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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