in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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