hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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