The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
