So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
