im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
