I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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