wanna go halves on a baby?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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