nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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