My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
