i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
