Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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