We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
