Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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