i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
