he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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