My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
