So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
