rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
