Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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