dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
