the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
