im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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